Monday, May 18, 2015

Alcoholism: A love story - Part VII: Believe in yourself - say "No!" to AA

This is a subject that is very close to home for me. Those of you who have known me before reading this blog know that I have a long history of addiction, with many ups and downs, good choices and poor choices and a lot of stories to tell. Being an addict is not something that is easy to deal with, and in most cases you need help. The problem is that a lot of people who offer you help do not have your best interest in mind. There are some really shady groups out there, and chances are that if you have dealt with alcohol abuse in your life, there's one you will inevitably have come across.

What I would like to talk about are the lies perpetuated by Alcoholics Anonymous and its subgroups (Gamblers Anonymous, Smokers Anonymous, Foot Fetishists Anonymous and a thousand others devoted to just about everything you can develop an addiction to) and an alternative solution to the problems it deceitfully proposes to solve through shady methods. Basically two very different ways to go: Their way, or the right way (one that I and others I have met with similar experiences went.)

First of all, there is their way: The Twelve Steps:
  1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
  2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
  7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
 Let us examine everything that is wrong with these steps, one by one, shall we?

The first is the worst. Admitting to be powerless is the worst thing you can do as an addict. This is what I would counter with an attitude of "addicts' empowerment" to address the issue properly. You are never powerless. It was you who got you into that mess and it is you and no one (or nothing) else who can get you out of it again. You didn't become an addict as the result of some disease or demons or whatever they have you believe in, you made the choice to go down that road, and you can make a choice to go a different way. You have the power. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. Believe me, I know what it is like when one's life becomes unmanageable as a result of one's addiction. There is only one solution: Take control, make a cut, and start back from square one.

Then comes number two. I know from U.S. TV shows that people in the United States refer to taking a dump as "number two", and it seems very appropriate for the AA's second step. First of all there is the matter of addiction and sanity. Yes, insanity can be the reason for addiction: For example, a lot of my meanest drinking habits could be attributed to myself attempting to use alcohol to suppress panic attacks that were the result - I did not know back then, the diagnosis came years after I quit - of obsessive-compulsive disorder. However, addiction is not a form of insanity by itself. It is, in almost every case, a symptom of a deeper problem, be it insanity or other deeply entrenched psychological issues. And it should be treated as a symptom. Direct and rapid treatment, read: detox, in the case of alcohol it is over in one week and the symptom is dealt with, works like a nasal spray or cough syrup. Once you have eliminated the symptom, and only then, can you deal with the underlying issue. And here you do not need "a power greater than yourself", in fact that might even do more harm than good because belief in something immaterial might bring some short-term relief but distract you from actively dealing with the problem that led you to addiction. No, I am afraid there is no quick fix. In most cases, that being almost all, you will need proper treatment. How involved this is can be your choice. You can see a doctor once a month or you can commit yourself to an in-patient institution, usually rehab, to work on your problem intensively. But the minimum requirement is a proper diagnosis, from a doctor, not WebMD, research into proper solutions, with the help of your doctor and through research of your own (unlike with the diagnosis, here you can freely search the internet for pointers), and the will to work hard to overcome whatever underlying problem led you to addiction. It's going to be a rough ride, but you want to get out of the mess you got into, no? Toughen up and bite your way through. "Greater power" my shiny metal ass.

Does it get worse than step two? Oh yes, the Twelve Steps have the unique ability to surprise you with yet more revolting and misguided "advice" with each new step. I already quoted it above, but let me repeat step three once more, in all caps for emphasis: "(WE) MADE A DECISION TO TURN OUR WILL AND OUR LIVES OVER TO THE CARE OF GOD AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM." (Love the italics on the last four words. Tacky attempt at suckering people from other faiths into the true path™.) This one makes me furious! First of all: You made a decision? Thought you were powerless. But that's just nitpicking. It's not even the bit about "God" that infuriates me, it is the eight words after "decision": "To turn our will and our lives over." No! You don't turn your life over to anyone or anything! Nothing good will ever come from that. And your will? Are you serious? Turn over your will? Then you lose everything that makes you a human being. I hear Nietzsche rotating in his grave as I type this. What you do with your will and your life is the exact opposite, take control back over them. Adjust them to a new purpose: Beating the burden that bogs down your life and fucks you up in a way you hate more than anything. Your will and your life are what you depend on the most at this point, they are your only hope to get out of this in one piece. Hang on to them, they are of the essence to your recovery. Hand them over to anyone or anything and you have already lost. You, like other AA drones, may stop drinking, smoking, gambling, injecting, snorting or watching porn for a while, but you are running away from the hard road to recovery by refusing to take responsibility of your life.

Step four gets into morality. You have read the exact quote above, and you will have noticed how it is deliberately vague. Okay, so you are looking into which times you have done well morally and which times you fucked up. That's not a bad thing to do per se, on the contrary, it's something every addict just as much as every non-addict should do occasionally. The implications of the context of the Twelve Step Program are of course a little more sinister, since it just spent the previous three steps blathering about God and greater powers. So it's not your own moral guidelines they want you to examine yourself by, it's theirs. That's a load of bull. If you want to quit whatever you're into right now, religious rules are the last thing you need to screw up your bearings. But even if there wasn't the shady context of the first three steps, examining every time you fucked up is not something you should concern yourself with in the immediate process of getting out of the addiction, it is something to do when you go through therapy to take care of the underlying problems for your addiction, because these underlying problems are likely the true root of your screw-ups. Basically, what step four is trying to tell you is that you should blame your addiction for the times you screwed up. Prime example: Beat up your wife and kids while drunk? It's the alcohol's fault! Reality check: Nope, it isn't. Alcohol was a catalyst for something seriously wrong inside your head and when you remove the alcohol something is still seriously wrong inside your head (you beat your wife and kids, should be self-evident), you are just less likely to act on it. In the example I just named, you need some SERIOUS therapy. No seeing a doc once a month, this is the stuff for prolonged in-patient rehab. No way around it. And it's going to take a long-ass time. And you have to face the fact that it might be better if your wife and kids ditched you, and if you are serious about making a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself you will have to present them this option and let them know you would be okay with it if they left, otherwise you would be, pardon my French, an asshole. That is just one example, there are many other ways you can screw up in ways that are amplified by your addiction BUT NOT CAUSED BY IT, but they all only have one solution: You have to make a serious commitment to fixing this. No scapegoats, no blame game, no greater power, get off your rotten ass and do it.

You may have noticed that step four did not mention God by name. Fear not, he's back with a vengeance. I don't know what else to say about this fifth step that I haven't already said in my paragraph about the fourth step, except for the fact that step five is, well, pretty pointless. Yes, once you reach the point in your road to recovery that it is time to examine your screw-ups as detailed in the previous paragraph, you must of course accept them yourself and, God aside, seek an outside perspective, preferably from a professional. Shouldn't this be self-evident?

The sixth one just gives me a headache. Yeah, that's gonna work just beautifully. Ten Hail Marys and *poof* your defects of character are gone. Do I really need to get into how this is a load of nonsense? You obviously got to work on your flaws yourself. I'm afraid magic tricks from supernatural entities won't get you very far. Quite frankly, provided you believe in God the way Christianity teaches him, and you assume that he created you, and you go to him saying "Hey God, thanks for creating me (and the universe and everything else), but you screwed up here and there, would you mind fixing that?", how do you think he'd feel hearing this, being an all-powerful, all-knowing entity who makes no mistakes, and certainly none a mere human could spot and know how to fix? That doesn't make much sense from a theological perspective, is frankly quite rude towards the guy who created the universe and everything in it, and is most likely just a way for AA to sucker you into becoming more and more deeply entangled in their cult, because if God isn't fixing your character, surely you gotta pray more or something? Go to church more often, empty your wallet, there are still defects in your character you bum!

Step seven is just an addendum to step six. Yeah, God's gotta get rid of those shortcomings for you, too. Because shortcomings are obviously not included in "defects", so they gotta be an additional step.

The eighth step is something that if you went to a psychiatrist or therapist or anyone with proper training in the field and told him a group advised you to do that, they would ask you what the hell kind of purpose that is supposed to serve? I mean, yeah, people close to you, obviously, such as your spouse, your children, your family, closest friends, if you put them through a hard time, you gotta try your best to make it better, especially if they remained loyal to you throughout the years, you owe them. But AA wants you to make a list of all people you have ever harmed. What for? Don't you have enough to worry about without making a list of people on whose mailbox you peed twelve years ago? Nah, you gotta focus on what's important. First, get yourself in order, then get your life in order, then get the lives of those around you in order. Focus your energy on these three things instead of spending weeks trying to find the name and address of the guy you punched in the nose during a bar fight in 1997. Focus on your life and the life of those you love and who love you. AA is just trying to overwhelm you so you offer less resistance to their proselytising. Don't give them a chance to make a mess of your head and turn it inside out, you made a mess of it already, and your goal is to make it less of a mess, not more.

Next two steps are pointless filler again like the seventh, just repeating what was said in previous steps.

What the hell is wrong with the people who wrote the eleventh step is inexplicable to me. No one can be that far gone. This is basically "pray the gay away" for alcoholics. In fact, this is literally "pray the gay away" for alcoholics. It's not going to work. It's never going to work. In the United States, people are told by courts to either go to AA or go to jail. And thanks to the poor appeal of U.S. jails, this is what people end up with. This type of shit is not a treatment or help for anything, they are literally saying outright that their only purpose is to convert you to Christianity, and sending you to jail as an alternative is the exact same thing Islamic State is doing to religious minorities in Iraq and Syria right now. That's the kind of thing we want to be like? Joining a cult has never done anything good for anyone. What you want is therapy. You want to work on your problems. You want to get yourself in a position in which you can deal with all your problems without resorting to alcohol or whatever else you may be addicted to. This is hard work, and it requires help from trained professionals who base their work on hard science and decades of experience in how to properly deal with addiction. You can't "pray the gay away", you can't if you're gay, and you certainly can't if you're an alcoholic. Fuck this shit, seriously, it pisses me off to no end.

Last but not least, once we're fully brainwashed into this creepy little cult - at least that's their goal, the smarter ones of us never gave them the satisfaction - we spread the word to anyone we can get our hands on. At this point their intentions become obvious even to those so blind that they could not see them in the first eleven steps. This is an organisation to promote Christianity, and to get people to forego proper therapy in order to maintain their underlying illnesses, keep the relapse potential high so AA can always be sure they will keep coming back. In short, they are deliberately keeping people ill so they can maintain a dependency on the organisation. It's disgusting as shit. How it can even be legal in a civilised society in way beyond me. They are deliberately inflicting harm by preventing treatment of serious mental conditions, all in order to maintain permanent control over the person. And then they openly urge their subject to lure in other people who are at their weakest point in life, increase the flock of submissive drones, brainwashed into believing they are powerless and only the ways of the cult can keep them alive. I repeat, this is enforced as the only alternative to jail in the world's leading superpower. And offshoots of this sickening sect exist in every other Western society and exact a good deal of power there. If that doesn't make you a little nauseous, you have a higher tolerance for modern barbarism than I do.

You are not going to be helped by any of these steps or anything this organisation does. A lot of people say it has helped them, but it is always short-term relief. Since they actively prevent you from seeking proper treatment for your underlying problems, these problems are always going to be there to steer you on the road to relapse. And the numbers are obvious: Do a little Google search on the relapse rate of people going to AA compared to people seeking proper medical/psychiatric treatment. It's horrifying. And this is still done in 2015. Always remember that we live in the 21st century, not the early 20th. Shit like AA should not exist in the world in which we have such great medical advances as we do. It should not exist in any world.

What should exist, and I can't say this often enough, is a mindset that you are in power of your life, that it is up to you to take control back over your life, that you are the one making the decisions, that it is you who is going to work on your issues, that you are going to work hard and not be distracted or deterred, that you are the one who holds the cards and decides your future. You are not powerless. Nobody is powerless because of addiction. You may feel that way sometimes when you lose all control over what happens, but control is not power. Power is something you will always have. And with that power, control is something you can regain just as well as you could lose it. It's up to you to exercise your power to MAKE A DECISION. You decide that you want no more of your addiction in your life, that you want to be in control of your life, and you decide that it's time to stop letting an addiction run your life, that it's time to do something about it, and that you will do the right thing about it. You will not hand over your will and your life and pray the gay away, you will take charge and seek the professional help that you need. Never let anyone tell you you are powerless. You got into this mess, you can get out. Fuck AA. Believe in yourself.

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